"爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢"
-背叛,曹格

I was feeling rather upset today and called up the counsellor in student services centre and made appointment to see her. I always thought that she couldn't really solve my problems and sometimes made me more miserable than before. But today, though she didn't made me feel any better about my relationship problems, she taught me an important lesson today.

Patterns.

Psychological patterns to be exact. We tend to exhibit patterns in our daily lives. As we interact, as we meet friends, whatever. Routinely there's something which we keep repeating. So as in relationships.

As i rattle on my emotional insecurity, she frowned and said she "detected" a pattern in the person i was dating.

When 2 person are comfortable at a level, they tend to remain at that distance. If one tries to shorten the distance, the other may just withdraw, to resume the similar distance as enjoyed before. Likewise, if one wanna lengthen the distance, the other will try to shorten it, back to the distance where they both enjoyed the relationship.

However, when it's too close for comfort, one might break the pattern, like to break-off, eliminate whatever contact once and for all.

She told me it was empirically proven that couples tend to exhibit patterns in relationships. Negative patterns during courtship period would persist in marriage and positive patterns likewise may not repeat in marriage.

As you might have guessed, i was mentioning all the negative patterns exhibited by the one i'm dating and she asked if i can tolerate this if it were to persist when both of us are really together? Patterns are likely to persist.

I told her that i couldn't even state any positive aspects on the one i'm dating. More negative than positive points i suppose. She den asked if that person fulfill any kind of need? I replied that i have no idea.

Then she asked if i exhibit any kind of pattern, when dating people? She asked do all my dates have similar characteristics?

Patterns Patterns Patterns.

When we're in relationship, we tend to see things with our heart (emotion) and not our head (rational). How i viewed my situation was through emotions but she evaluated everything through patterns, rationality.

So have you discover any pattern of your own?